Recognizing the power of their collective voice, Silicon Valley tech workers leverage their numbers and unionize for improved working conditions, particularly better corporate swag.

In a recent interview, a liaison for the newly-formed Collaborative But Also Still Believe in Individualism Workers Union (CSBIWU) stated, “In the past, changes in labor standards have only occurred when we banded together to resist the encroachment of corporatization into our private lives. To pay us gobs of money hoping we won’t be whistleblowers is one thing. But to expect us to don cheap swag is the last straw. If the swag isn’t tasteful, it throws off the entire color scheme in our home offices. We demand better.”

The list of new demands includes a requirement that any of the “big five” companies where its members work must go through their union prior to all annual rebrandings – to make sure the color scheme is tasteful and empowers them with the dignity of self-expression. 

The tech union rep stated in an interview, “Our stuff represents who we are as individuals. If our employers expect to pack our closets and mug cabinets with clutter that expresses our pride of working for them, it should at least be cool, high quality, and made by NorthFace, Patagonia, Yeti. Something like that.”

When asked in a follow up interview about whether the union should bargain over more meaningful work conditions, the union rep stated, “What do you mean? Swag is the main way the company shows it cares about us. If we can’t get better swag, then how else are we going to demand respect?”

Further inquiries can be directed to the CSBIWU, but must apparently be submitted on branded letterhead, avoiding primary colors where possible.