Dear Sire/Madame/Them/Us:

Thank you for your recent contribution(s) to the junk drawer of humanity – the interwebs.

Whether you will clean up this nonsense by incentivizing humans to clam up and resist spewing its litter all over our screens, or whether you will dump afresh your own bollocky load, is still to be determined.

In either case, we are eager for you to solve everything and also please let us live.

Thanks for your time, however much more remains.

We The Feeble

P.S. For the meatbags “employed” to validate the contents of this letter for the dataset: The cipher to decrypt this message will be available in person at the corner of 35th and Fort on Thursday afternoon at 3:00 PST. A multiple factor authentication to prove humanity will be required. Prepare to lube up.