In a masterclass act of chicanery and stealth, Apple has released 174 new versions of its newest iPhone, numbered 7.001 through 7.174, in order to ensure a lack of direct comparison to the recently released Samsung Galaxy S8.

Apple’s CEO Tim Cook stated to shareholders last Wednesday evening that “You will notice a ton a new features with this new release, many we ourselves are still learning about.” Cook then assured investors that while some of the versions may share a single feature in common with the Galaxy S8, each of them are “unique enough” to avoid direct comparison.

In response to a request for comment, Apple’s content team responded that they have been so inundated with collateral development for the 174 versions that they would be available to comment in the summer of 2025.