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Danton Creek Leader Says Disruptive Tech “Had Better, So Help Me God, Finally Measure Student Learning”

Danton Creek School District announced its intent to use a disruptive new technology to measure student learning. The district will insert a Remote Neural Monitoring (RNM) chip into each student. This chip transmits signals to the brain and reports back the images found in the student’s neutral paths so teachers and administrators can, once and for all, finally measure all learning activity.

“Our innovative approach ensures better measurement. We already measure student achievement with standardized tests, and unit tests, and report card grades, and quizzes. And we measure student culture and climate, and attendance, and our initiatives, and teacher performance, and discipline, and curriculum models, and operation times, and budgets, and parent involvement, and community satisfaction. And we participate in longitudinal data systems,” stated Danton Creek’s Director of Communications Jeanette Coombs, Ed.D.

“But it just isn’t enough data to make any decisions about student learning,” she added. “So this innovation had better enable us, so help me God, transform and engage our learners to achieve capabilities needed in the 21st century.”